Fathers, Three Things I Hope You Know

A Letter from a Pastor to the Men Who Matter the Most

Photo by Jhonatan Saavedra Perales on Unsplash

When I was senior pastor of Christ Church in Plano, Texas, we always gave beautiful flowers to the mothers on Mother’s Day—roses when we could afford them and carnations when we couldn’t. It was a simple way to say, “You matter.” They loved the gesture.

But what did we give the dads?

🍭🍭🍭🍭 Tootsie-Pops.

Not one man complained. (A few joked that they’d been “suckered” into attending church.)

Still, I’ve come to believe that Father’s Day should be more than a gesture. More than a carnation or a candy. It should be a wake-up call. Because this I know for sure:

Fatherhood is not a role. It’s a calling.

And the stakes have never been higher.

Here are three things I’d want all fathers to know:

1. Your Children Need You More Than You Know

2. Our Culture Has Lied to You about Your Role and Duty

3. Men Should Make a Covenant With Their Eyes

First: Your Children Need You More Than You Know

After 40+ years of pastoral counseling, I’ve learned something backed up by nearly every study I’ve seen: Fathers shape their children’s faith. Period.

• If a father does not attend church, only 1 in 50 children will become regular worshipers. (Check it out here.)

• If dad attends regularly, roughly 66–75% of children continue church attendance into adulthood  regardless of mom's attendance. (Check this out here.)

This is not a marginal influence. We are talking about discipleship power that no one else—not even the most faithful mom—can match.

If you want your children to follow Jesus, they must see you following Him first.

You’re not called to be passive. You’re called to be a protector and provider, not just of food and shelter. Your role extends to being a protector and provider of faith, stability, and vision.

Scripture assumes and affirms this:

“Impress these commandments on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road…” —Deuteronomy 6:7

This was not written to priests. It was written to fathers. You are called to disciple your children, not delegate that work to your wife or your pastor.

In the New Testament, Paul tells fathers:

“Do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” (Colossians 3:21)

But before you buy into this idea, consider the source and the context for such a comment: the ancient Roman world. This was a radical idea in a world where Roman fathers had absolute authority. The father was instructed to provide for his children in a way that brought them life and JOY.

Again, a radical idea. And it still is.

Fathers, your influence is not optional. It’s a fact.

Guys, look in the mirror today and say to yourself, “I am the kind of adult my children are becoming.” That’s either going to be good news or bad news.

And it doesn’t matter if your kids are all grown and moved out of the house. They are still watching you.

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Second: The Culture Has Lied to You

What does Hollywood say about you? Watch TV. Movies.

You’re a doofus. A lovable idiot. The butt of the joke. Homer Simpson. Phil Dunphy of Modern Family. You’re the extra child Mom has to clean up after.

Some of you have believed the lie. You’ve stepped back. You’ve left the faith conversations to your wife. You’ve treated spiritual leadership like it’s optional.

It’s not. Your silence is speaking volumes.

The apostle Paul said:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” —Ephesians 5:25

This isn’t domination. It’s sacrificial leadership. It means laying down your life. It means spiritual initiative. It means protecting your family from anything, especially the invisible threats that come through screens, silence, or sin.

Do you want to see a biblical man of action, power, strength, and consequence?

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Look to Boaz: A Strong Man Made Meek

A few years ago, I wrote a book about the Book of Ruth called the Ordinary Ways of God. I discovered the remarkable strength of the man featured in that story: Boaz. (First of all, don’t you love the name?)

The story begins in famine and ends in harvest, and in the middle we meet Boaz—a man described as “worthy,” a man of standing and substance.

What many don’t realize is that Boaz was the son of Rahab—the woman of Jericho who hid the spies and was spared when the walls fell. From the moment Boaz enters Ruth’s life, he uses his strength to protect, provide, and elevate others.

Boaz has a sketchy past and a reputation, but he uses his life to bend his storyline and become someone God can use.

He shows restraint. He never takes advantage of Ruth, even when given the opportunity. He doesn’t dominate or demand. He leads with humility, generosity, and reverence. He blesses. He listens. He protects.

Boaz is the kind of man the Bible calls meek, not weak or timid, but strong and submitted. The word “meek” comes from the world of horsemanship. A wild stallion, once trained, is said to be “meeked”. Its strength is not removed, but redirected. Controlled. Useful. Trustworthy.

Boaz is that kind of man. And in him, we glimpse the gentleness of Christ Himself.

Men, if you want a biblical example of manhood to emulate, look no further. You don’t have to be loud to be strong. You don’t have to dominate to lead. You don’t have to win to serve.

Through his quiet faithfulness, God brought forth the lineage of David—and eventually, the Messiah Himself.

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Third: Make a Covenant with Your Eyes

Let me be blunt.

You can’t lead your family well if your heart is compromised by pornography or lust. And yes, I know this is hard to talk about in church. But someone has to say it: Fathers, your children will imitate your appetites.

Job said:

“I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?” —Job 31:1

Job was old when he wrote that. He had wisdom. He had regrets. And he had resolve.

If you want to protect your family, start with your eyes. Guard your gaze because the path of destruction starts with a glance.

And if you’ve failed here (and many have), don’t despair—repent. You have a Savior. And your family needs you to be clean, strong, and free.

Remember, one of the greatest fathers in Scripture says nothing.

Joseph, the earthly father of Jesus, never speaks a word in the New Testament. But what a life he lived: obedient, faithful, protective, sacrificial. He took on responsibility he didn’t ask for. And he did it with courage.

The result? Jesus called God “Abba”—Father—because Joseph gave Him a living picture of what fatherhood could be.

We have plenty of examples in the Bible of godly and righteous men: Boaz, David, Paul, Jesus, Joseph, Peter, Moses, Abraham. It doesn’t mean they were perfect—the Bible takes great pains to show us they were not! But it means that they were real. And you and I can be real, just like they were.

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A Father’s Day Prayer

Fathers, it’s time to stand up with humble strength, with clear eyes, and with a renewed sense of calling.

This world needs men of God—fathers of faith—who will raise the next generation to walk in truth, love, and courage.

That starts with you.

Here’s a prayer worth praying—every day, not just once a year:

O Lord our God, creator of heaven and earth, through your Son Jesus Christ you have revealed yourself as a heavenly Father to all of your children. Bless, we pray, all earthly fathers. Strengthen them to nurture, protect, and guide the children entrusted to their care. Instill within them the virtues of love and patience. May they be slow to anger and quick to forgive. And through the ministrations of your Holy Spirit, may all fathers be strong and steadfast examples of faithfulness, responsibility, and loving-kindness; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

The Anglican is the Substack newsletter for LeaderWorks, where I share insights, encouragement, and practical tools for clergy and lay Christians. I’m also an author of over a dozen books available on Amazon.

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Learn more about Ruth, Naomi, and Boaz and the way God uses ordinary people to do extraordinary things.

The Ordinary Ways of God by David Roseberry