How Do We Say Grace in Public?

Part Two: Six Practices for the Times When a Prayer Seems Awkward or Rude

Grace on the Plane

I was heading to my gate at the airport, facing down a four-hour flight at lunchtime. Anyone old enough to remember when they served actual meals in coach is probably trying to forget how old they are. (I remember.) With no in-flight meal service to look forward to, I made my way to a food counter across from the gate—the Golden Arches.

Welcome to modern dining: I placed my order on a touchscreen—no human contact required—and was issued number 49. Then, stepping aside to allow Mr. 50 to place his order—I watched the kitchen's futuristic automated inner workings. Pre-portioned mystery meat disks flipped onto the heated grills. I saw two disembodied blue-gloved hands place pillowy seed-sprinkled buns on a steaming surface and soak up a hot, oily liquid. (Butter?) The burger was stacked and assembled in fulfillment of the old fast-food ditty many remember: "two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun."

The sandwich was wrapped by a golden arches expert--she had easily packaged 10,000 burgers to attain a pro-status. She tossed the wrapped-up sandwich into an open bag, called my number, and handed me the lunch for my inflight meal. (No fries, thank you.)

Minutes later, I settled into my aisle seat—17D. As the aroma of my globally-sourced burger wafted through the cabin, I faced the modern believer's dilemma: how do I say grace without making my cabin mates uncomfortable? Or should they expect as much in Coach? Should I do the full head bow? A long nod, eyes closed, and muttered prayer might work in my no-legroom cramped quarters. Or maybe attempt the contemplative pose, staring at the seat-back in front of me and thinking prayerful thoughts. Should I care what other think?? WWJD?? (Let’s not go there!)

Too Simple?

After take off, I have pity on the 17E seat occupant to my right. I pulled the burger from the bag and, keeping the wrapper over the sandwich to hold in the fried burger scent, I covered it with my hands, closed my eyes, and, moving my lips, I said, under my breath, our adapted-for-child-use Moravian prayer, "Come Lord Jesus, our Guest to be. And bless these gifts bestowed by Thee."

Some might think it is too simple prayer for me, remembering that I have a degree in theology. But it is the one that comes to mind when I am in that close- encounter moment. Saying a child’s grace on a plane doesn't seem like a worthy prayer, especially when I have led long, heartfelt prayers at our Thanksgiving table. But I say the child's rhyming grace because it reminds me of home.

Seat 17D is a far cry from our kitchen, where gratitude is as natural as breathing. Our food at home is just as globally sourced. When Fran prepares our lunch or dinner (we are on our own for breakfast), she never grouses. Nor do I. She prepares the best meals, even when they are the most simple. Since she is an artist, I have never had a meal served without some kind of artistic flourish—a sprig of cilantro, three or five green olives (not four or six, always an odd number) or a few carrot stick to bring in some color.

But even if I cook or prepare and serve her, we always say grace. Sometimes the prayer is quick and formulaic. Sometimes, if the meal is served at room temperature and there is no hurry, and especially if Fran is the one to pray, our table grace moment is elongated to include a few intercessions for family members. Amen. And then we eat.

The Awkward Moment.

In our secular world, saying grace in public seems out of place. Public displays of religion have somehow become more awkward than public displays of affection. Nevertheless, I think that saying grace--even in public places--is something to be preserved and practiced for reasons I mentioned in Part One. It is a silent witness to faith. It can remind people of a wider world—unseen and often unnoticed by too-busy eaters. But more than these reasons, saying grace is a constant reminder of our dependency on God for his provision.

Saying Grace: Enjoy this short collection of prayers suitable for use every day.

Take Care Lest You Forget the Lord

It is hard to see His hand at work in the mechanized machine driven kitchen of modern fast food places like the McDonald’s at DFW. But even still, the food is a meal and we are all ever-dependent upon the food. We should remember this.

Moses thought so too. He warned the desert wanderers they would forget the God who brought them through the wilderness day by day.

“And when the Lord your God brings you into the land that he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give you—with great and good cities that you did not build,  and houses full of all good things that you did not fill, and cisterns that you did not dig, and vineyards and olive trees that you did not plant—and when you eat and are full,  then take care lest you forget the Lord, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. —Deuteronomy 6:10-12

Six Ways to Pray

Saying grace for every meal—in public and in private—is one way to not forget the Lord. Perhaps, it is the best way too. So how do we maintain this meaningful practice without drawing unwanted attention? Here are six graceful ways to say grace in public:

1. The Mindful Moment
   Take a brief pause before eating, hands folded quietly in your lap. To others, it simply looks like you're taking a breath. You can say your prayer silently while gathering your thoughts. Duration: 15-20 seconds. You are not trying to dodge the question "What are you doing?". This is a personal time to praise God from whom all blessings flow. Amen.

2. The Four-Tap Cross
   In a quick moment, I can cross myself. I take my index finger and tap my chest four times in four place as the sign of a cross. It can be just a hand-gesture without words. We see this in sports when a batter, usually from Latin American and likely Roman Catholic, makes the sign of the cross when he steps to the plate. Why not this in front of your dinner plate? Words are not needed, but just in case you want to say something, invoke the name of the Trinity: Father, Son, Holy Spirit. Three titles, but four words for the four points of the cross. Amen.

3. The Hand-off
   Sometimes, since I am an ordained pastor, a host will call upon me to offer a table grace. I will always agree. And I will say a simple prayer of thanksgiving for our food, our families, and the blessings of life and friendships. The question is always, how to close a prayer when you are unsure of the faith of those at the table. Since I am a Christian, I will always add the closing phrase, "...and I offer this prayer in Jesus’ name." Simple and true. Amen.

4. The Squeeze Play
   Sometimes there are no good times to offer a pre-meal grace. The restaurant is crowded and noisy or the meal is served as a progressive self-service buffet or the time just isn't right. In those cases, if I'm with Fran, I take her hand and give a long squeeze--time for us both to say the family standard--and then set our napkins in place and enjoy. Amen.

5. The Brief Discreet
   Sometimes, the most discreet approach is to just briefly bow your head without fanfare. Most people are too absorbed in their own worlds to notice, and if they do, a simple moment of reverence rarely attracts negative attention. Keep it brief. Keep it personal. Amen.

6. The Stand Up
   This approach is not subtle, but it is polite. And it is an authentic witness to others. You simple invite those around the table to join you. “It is our custom to give thanks to God for the food are served. I’d be honored if you joined us for a thanksgiving prayer.” Offer to join hands and pray “Bless this food to our use and us to Your service. Make us mindful of the needs of others.” Amen.

The truth is, in our rushed and fragmented world, we probably need these small acts of gratitude more than ever. Whether it's over an airport burger or a business lunch, taking a moment to acknowledge our blessings helps ground us in what matters. And who knows? Maybe that person giving you a curious look is wondering if they should be brave enough to say grace too.

Leave a comment about your practice or your awkward moment saying grace.

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The Rev. David Roseberry, an ordained Anglican priest with over 40 years of pastoral experience, offers leadership services to pastors, churches, and Christian writers. He is an accomplished author whose books are available on Amazon. Rev. Roseberry is the Executive Director of LeaderWorks, where his work and resources can be found.